Tuesday, November 07, 2006

I've moved!

I've moved from Blogger. This blog can now be found at:



Monday, October 02, 2006

If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you

Friday, September 29, 2006

An Open Letter to the Male Stranger Who Just Yelled at Me to "Smile" from the Passenger Seat of His Girlfriend's (?) Car

Dear Douchbag,

I'm sorry, are you talking to me? See, I didn't realize that because I HAVE NO IDEA WHO YOU ARE AND YOU'RE YELLING AT ME FROM A CAR. Do you see how I have giant headphones on? That means that I'm listening to music. Even though a child would understand the following, let me outline it for you: my headwear also means that a) I can't really hear you, and b) I'm not interested in listening to you, and c) I'm ESPECIALLY not interested in talking to you. I'm not sure what it is about my appearance that makes you think that I'm interested in your advice re: my current mood, but I'm pretty sure that it's NOT the fact that I'm kind of limping because I've been walking for a while now and I have blisters because my feet are used to sandals NOR the fact that I'm carrying grocery bags NOR the fact that I am, as I previously stated, wearing headphones, which is the international symbol for "I'm not listening/please leave me alone." In fact, all of these things add up to a picture of a woman who does not care whether or not you think that she should smile. Why is it so important to you that I smile anyways? And why is it of such importance to you that you actually STICK YOUR HEAD OUT THE WINDOW OF THE CAR AND CONTINUE TO YELL AT ME UNTIL I ACTUALLY LOOK AT YOU, DESPITE THE FACT THAT I AM WEARING GIANT HEADPHONES? Are you, in fact, clinically retarded?

Also, YOU'RE WITH A GIRL IN THE CAR. For whatever reason, she's decided to give you a ride somewhere, and guess what? She doesn't want to hear your misguided, ill-advised attempts to get another girl's attention. She may not be your girlfriend (fingers crossed!), but even if that's the case, you've just embarrassed her into NEVER DRIVING YOU ANYWHERE EVER AGAIN. And you know what? The real reason why this bothers me so much is that this isn't the first time that some idiot - always a guy, for whatever reason - has told me to "smile." How about this? How about you let me decide how to express my own mood? How about that? Because that's how adults treat other adults. NOT TO MENTION, if I was a 26 year-old guy, would you still be yelling at me? Probably not. Why is that? Why is it that the simple act of walking somewhere should suddenly be your great chance to yell something stupid at me? When did this become okay for you to do? Who told you that you could? Because whoever gave you that impression should be shot. The next time some idiot tells me to "smile," I'll be sure to mention that:

a) no thanks, I'm thinking of my dead mother right now, actually;
b) I hope that he catches an STD;
c) Please keep that "smile" comment in mind as I kick you in the junk.

To conclude: I'm not asking for your opinion. I don't care what you think about me. Stop yelling at me.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Why My Dad is Cool: Part 2 of a 238 Part Series

Does anyone remember this particular edition of The Globe and Mail?

I sure don't!

But that's not the point here. The point is, my dad loves to write to The Globe and Mail and sarcastically respond to what other people have to say. Frankly, it makes me proud.

Here's his latest letter:

Royal pain

Barrie, Ont. -- Well, it was certainly a revelation to discover how to improve students' math skills according to Margaret Wente (What's The Newest Thing In Math? Old Math -- Sept. 26). Is it possible that someone will find an improvement in reading and writing skills if grammar, spelling and writing are taught?


I'm not sure why it's titled "Royal Pain," but I feel like it's one of two options:

a) The Globe and Mail has resorted to not-so-subtly insulting my dad, or

b) It's some reference to the article that my dad is responding to.

I'm not sure, but I hope its not option a, because otherwise the "Letters to the Editor" section is going to get some witheringly sarcastic letters in the future.

Poppin' and Lockin'

It's sort of hard to say what's going on here.

More Than Meets the Eye

Remember these guys?


Remember how they're getting their very own live-action movie? I do. I think about it every day, because this is my wallpaper:

Don't get confused. I am in no way referring to this movie:

Although, it was pretty awesome. Did you know that Orson Welles voiced Unicron? It's true!

Okay, I, for one, am VERY excited about this movie. I know that it could go badly, but I'm choosing to stay optimistic, mostly because the entire concept behind Transformers is SO SPINE-CRUSHINGLY COOL. Think about it: ALIENS THAT ARE ROBOTS THAT TRANSFORM INTO OTHER THINGS. It's totally crazy!

Let's look at the evidence that points to why this movie could be super great.

1) The trailer
Yes, it's a bit dramatic, yes, seeing Michael Bay's name is a bit...um....horrible, considering that every movie that he's ever made has sucked, but I have faith this time. Why? Because I feel that Michael Bay is really good at shooting cars, explosions and huge fight scenes, which is (I think) what a lot of this movie is going to be anyways: vehicles exploding and fighting.

Here's the trailer:

Did you just get chills? I just got chills.

2) The leaked footage of cars transforming looks TOTALLY AWESOME. I don't know for sure if this footage is actually from the movie or not, but who cares? And, as Jeff pointed out, that's not the sound that they're supposed to make, but let's just assume that they're going to fix that later.

PS: Who is your favourite Transformer? Mine is Soundwave. He's so cool! I'm a nerd.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Guess who borrowed her Dad's digital camera?

Okay, so this isn't about Transformers (BUT I SWEAR THAT'S COMING).



Too bad I forgot to borrow the software that came with the camera.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Guess who finally got the internet?

The answer to that should actually be pretty obvious. New post coming soon. Here's a hint about its topic:


Monday, August 07, 2006

Why My Dad Is Cool: Part 1 of a 238 Part Series

Does anyone remember this particular issue of The Globe and Mail?

Okay, me neither, but that's because I don't read that rag. However, my dad does, and last week his letter to the editor was published! He's famous! Here it is in all its glory:

We, the jury

Barrie, Ont. -- Marina Strauss (Feeling Trapped By Jury Duty -- July 26) should regard herself as lucky she was not eventually selected for jury duty.

Several years ago, I was chosen for jury duty on a murder trial. Two of the jurors were so stupid that they could not remember the most basic events reported during the trial. Eventually, 10 of us would no longer speak to the other two, who still insisted on a verdict of guilty of premeditated murder although the judge had removed this as an option at the start of the trial.

Since the jury eventually came to the proper verdict of manslaughter, I realize that the jury system worked. A more efficient way to do jury duty would be initial intelligence and memory testing; at least that would speed up the process of jury selection and the jury's final decision.

Ha ha! BURN! He totally burns everyone in this thing!

God damn, give this man an honorary degree or something! He's a hilarious AND a genius!