Thursday, December 16, 2004

The Worst Broadcast


Dear Lindsay Lohan,

Why you all in my face? Why must you continue your epic struggle to achieve complete and total media saturation? Are you trying to conquer some sort of evil tabloid trifecta by appearing in People, Star and InTouch every week, on every single page?

Earlier today on Ellen, I witnessed the trainwreck that is your "singing" career. Yikes. Lindsay - may I call you Lindsay? - you're in trouble. People don't really know what to make of you. You seem pleasant and everything, but could you remind me again why you're famous? Sure, you were in that Tina Fey movie - pip, pip! - but one Tina Fey movie does not a movie star make. Wait, what's that? You dated Fez from "That 70's Show"? Come on now - everyone knows he's the Gabrielle Carteris of that ensemble cast. Sorry, what did you say? Oh, you're "friends" with Tara "my breasts look like they are actually filled with cement" Reid and Paris "please don't point out my lazy eye" Hilton? LL, these are not "ladies" that you want to be associated with. They're actually clinically retarded.

Lindsay, it's not that I have anything against you, personally. It's just: why you? Why not some other red-headed teen with questionable talent? Well, I hope that I've brought some issues to your attention. I can't force you to stop existing as a media-created and produced persona that embodies everything that is at once both right and wrong with popular culture. I'm just one person.

The Usual Spy

P.S.: While I'm not totally sure what is wrong with your arms, or why they are so scrawny, I am sure that flapping them around like you're injured while you're being interviewed doesn't help anything.


Blogger Ian said...

Hey, interesting post. I saw Lindsay Lohan on SNL a while ago. She kept talking about her boobs etc. Anyway, cool start to your blog.


7:12 p.m.  
Blogger the usual spy said...

Hi Ian:

Thanks for your comments. I'm sorry that you read the post without the picture being up first! I think I've got that worked out now...

2:06 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pip pip....great words, let's use them more.
Also I really liked your distaste for Lindsay Lohan, you should really consider writing about Lio DiCaprio.

Can't wait for more.


10:20 p.m.  

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