Saturday, June 18, 2005

The Greatest Show on Earth.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Cruise,

Okay. I think that we all realize that I'm no good at updating. I'm busy, plus lately I haven't been annoyed by celebrities so much as completely and totally baffled by them. Lindsay Lohan? Nicole Richie? Paris and Paris? There's actually nothing to say about all that, because, well, who cares, really? They're all retards.

However. There is the small matter of your relationship (or is it "relationship"? I don't even know anymore). Before I get into this, let's all look at this adorable picture:

(Thanks to for the pic.)

And, to make things better, I think that this cat's name is Winston, which is "purr-fect." Ha ha! Rad. If you feel yourself getting confused or angry later while reading this post, just look at this picture of Winston again.

Okay. Let's get down to it. Let's see that ring, bitches!

Whoop! There it is!

Here's the thing: if this is real, this is possibly the craziest fucking way to go about proving it. If it's NOT real, you're both bat-shit insane and you've both single-handedly brought celebrity and celebrity-based media-attention to a whole new crazy insane level. However, in the interest of this new type of reality, I'd like to put forth the idea that I've recently become engaged to Batman. No, really. He proposed to me on the fucking Eiffel Tower. Here's a picture I took of him right after he proposed:

In actual news, I got a job about a month ago at a comic book store. You can read about it here:

Also, for people who want to get into comics, I suggest that one place to start is with the re-issue of Frank Miller's Batman: Year One. It's out in hard cover right now!


the usual spy.

PS: I know that Moby Dick is a classic and all, but for the love of god, it's boring. Then again, I'm only 200 pages into it. Maybe it'll pick up in the last 250 pages, right?

You know what would make it better? If, at the end, Moby Dick and a giant squid fought to the death. That's what I'm counting on, but I'm guessing that instead there's going to be some big religious finale.