Thursday, November 17, 2005

I hate to see you leave, but I love to see you walk away.

Sweet fancy Moses!

If you don't like to look at attractive dudes, don't worry about reading the rest of this post. It's really probably only interesting to me and my pal Caryl.

The following is an excerpt from my new TV show, "This Will Never Happen in a Million Years":






Wentworth: "Excuse me, would you be interested in pursuing a long-term, monogamous relationship with me? By the way, I am 100% heterosexual. Also, I find your skeleton cover-all costume very attractive."






Me: "Really? Wow...normally I'd be highly suspicious of this, but you're so good-looking that I'm willing to overlook that. Plus, you look sort of familiar."








Wentworth: "Well, I'm on this show called 'Prison Break.' You've seen it, right?"







Me: "Ummm...yeah....Hey, check out how this skeleton costume doesn't have armbones on its sleeves! Isn't that weird?"

ANNNNND.................SCENE!
TAH-DAH!!! (jazz hands!)

Thursday, November 10, 2005

I have what industry insiders call "it".


This is a picture of Wentworth Miller. He is hot like burning.


You may know him as "that guy" from "Prison Break," but I know him as Adam Rothchild Ryan from "Popular." Possibly, you don't remember "Popular." It was on from 1999-2000 for two seasons. Unfortunately, A.R.R. was only on the show for two episodes, but they were pretty rad episodes.



If you are unfamiliar with "Popular," I pity you in some ways. In other ways, that fact may demonstrate that you possibly have things to do with your time that are better than renting DVDs (FOR FREE) from your local public library. However, you should know that you are missing a show that features exchanges such as the following:


Cherry Cherry: Good news, the wedding is back on!






Mary Cherry: But mama, how could this be?








Cherry Cherry: Don't be stupid, stupid. I was just bluffing until Erik Estrada signed the pre-nup. ...What the hell happened to you? You look like a Make-a-Wish kid.


Yeah, that's Delta Burke playing a character named "Cherry Cherry." She's Mary Cherry's mom and the owner of a multi-billion dollar company. She ends up marrying Erik Estrada (who plays himself on the show). Obviously, THE SHOW IS GENIUS.

Also, in one episode, A.R.R. says:


"Is Mary Cherry retarded?"





AND, one episode features a car that has a bumper sticker that says "my other car is a knife."

HILARIOUS!

PS: Yes,



Sometimes the fact that "According to Jim" is still on the air does make me want to kick someone in the neck, ninja-style.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Are you hot? Because your pants are on fire.

CONCENTRATION CAMP SURVIVORS MYSTERIOUSLY REAPPEAR IN 2005!

"No, we just got personal trainers," insist the deluded victims.



(pic via perezhilton.com)

Saturday, November 05, 2005

The way Kathie Lee needs Regis.

I'm back! Sort of.

To celebrate this occasion, here's an awesome picture of me at a recent Halloween party:


I'm not sure what I was saying at this point, but obviously, I'm philosophising about something TOTALLY RAD. And people will take me seriously, because I'm a skeleton. No one wants to mess with that shit. The adorable little pixie to the right of me is Alexis. She helps me with my various skeleton philosophies and cuts my hair.

You may be asking yourself, "why is Lesley holding her thumb in that debilitatingly awkward way?" The answer is this: do you see how awesome that skeleton costume is? Do you want to mess with a girl in a costume that spine-crushingly awesome? No, you do not. Because I will Mess. You. Up.

The Usual Spy.