Friday, September 29, 2006

An Open Letter to the Male Stranger Who Just Yelled at Me to "Smile" from the Passenger Seat of His Girlfriend's (?) Car

Dear Douchbag,

I'm sorry, are you talking to me? See, I didn't realize that because I HAVE NO IDEA WHO YOU ARE AND YOU'RE YELLING AT ME FROM A CAR. Do you see how I have giant headphones on? That means that I'm listening to music. Even though a child would understand the following, let me outline it for you: my headwear also means that a) I can't really hear you, and b) I'm not interested in listening to you, and c) I'm ESPECIALLY not interested in talking to you. I'm not sure what it is about my appearance that makes you think that I'm interested in your advice re: my current mood, but I'm pretty sure that it's NOT the fact that I'm kind of limping because I've been walking for a while now and I have blisters because my feet are used to sandals NOR the fact that I'm carrying grocery bags NOR the fact that I am, as I previously stated, wearing headphones, which is the international symbol for "I'm not listening/please leave me alone." In fact, all of these things add up to a picture of a woman who does not care whether or not you think that she should smile. Why is it so important to you that I smile anyways? And why is it of such importance to you that you actually STICK YOUR HEAD OUT THE WINDOW OF THE CAR AND CONTINUE TO YELL AT ME UNTIL I ACTUALLY LOOK AT YOU, DESPITE THE FACT THAT I AM WEARING GIANT HEADPHONES? Are you, in fact, clinically retarded?

Also, YOU'RE WITH A GIRL IN THE CAR. For whatever reason, she's decided to give you a ride somewhere, and guess what? She doesn't want to hear your misguided, ill-advised attempts to get another girl's attention. She may not be your girlfriend (fingers crossed!), but even if that's the case, you've just embarrassed her into NEVER DRIVING YOU ANYWHERE EVER AGAIN. And you know what? The real reason why this bothers me so much is that this isn't the first time that some idiot - always a guy, for whatever reason - has told me to "smile." How about this? How about you let me decide how to express my own mood? How about that? Because that's how adults treat other adults. NOT TO MENTION, if I was a 26 year-old guy, would you still be yelling at me? Probably not. Why is that? Why is it that the simple act of walking somewhere should suddenly be your great chance to yell something stupid at me? When did this become okay for you to do? Who told you that you could? Because whoever gave you that impression should be shot. The next time some idiot tells me to "smile," I'll be sure to mention that:

a) no thanks, I'm thinking of my dead mother right now, actually;
b) I hope that he catches an STD;
c) Please keep that "smile" comment in mind as I kick you in the junk.

To conclude: I'm not asking for your opinion. I don't care what you think about me. Stop yelling at me.


Blogger WeirdLoverWilde said...

I thought it was completely normal for people to walk around wearing a shit-eating grin on their face. What's wrong with *you*?

Also - didn't you know that walking by yourself (as a woman that is) is an automatic invitation to criticism or unwelcome comments? These guys are just trying to *help* you - and it's in your "I was born with ovaries" contract.

Looks like *you've* got the problem, missy-pants.

11:10 p.m.  
Blogger CTS said...

how did you know what he was yelling. you had headphones on :)


p.s. what were you listening too? that's the most crucial part of the story.

11:49 a.m.  
Blogger the usual spy said...

I knew because out of the corner of my eye I could see him stick his head out the window. I was the only person around and I guess I thought that maybe, for a second, I knew him? Because why else would he be yelling at me? Or, I thought that maybe he was warning me about something...maybe I was about to get hit by a car or something...But then, between a combination of him yelling so loudly and my amateur lip-reading abilities, I could discern both what he was yelling and the fact that he was yelling at me. I SHOULD HAVE NEVER TURNED MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

12:23 p.m.  

Post a Comment

<< Home